...I'm the fat kid at recess who doesn't ever get picked to be on someone's soccer team because they suck.
(side note. I'm not saying I'm actually fat, just saying that I kind of suck at all things triathlon...except for transitions which are my FAVORITE)
The 100 miler on Sunday was not so good. I did the first 62 miles in about 4.5 hours. I started at 5:45 AM and rolled in around 10:15 or so. When I rolled in, I threw up. Which was awesome. The heat got to me, the nutrition I switched to (perpetuem and gu) was not working. Jacquie came out to ride the second loop of 42 with me so I cooled down a bit, got some electrolytes and carbs in my body, and went back out with probably the most amazing cheerleader and riding mate ever.
Now, I'd like to point out, yet again, that I'm a pretty positive person. My friends come to me for advice, to feel better, to vent, to talk, etc. But every time I get on my bike, I have a breakdown. EVERY SINGLE F-ING TIME. Jacquie says I just need some cheetos which could be the case because at Mile 72, I stopped and sat under a tree while awesome saggers Mary and Roy gave me coke and cheetos. After that, I picked up the speed. Still had to stop once to cool down again, but I felt like I was going a lot faster. Granted I had a certain lady behind me 'yelling' at me (thanks J :) ). I got to mile 85 and called it quits.
In talking to Jacquie post ride and having a couple of days to think about it, I'm not pushing myself hard enough on the hills. I coast when I'm tired which is not good and doesn't bode well for IM Moo.
I'm really losing sight of why I signed up for this race. Training isn't fun anymore. I'm a huge mess emotionally and mentally I can't seem to get past the block I have on the bike. All I keep envisioning is being pulled from the race course and it just really sucks. I can't sleep at night because of that constant thought. Maybe I'm just not meant to do this. And even above that, I don't even think I'm capable of it at this point.
Ro
Attitude adjustment time. I don't mean to get all spiritual on you, but you will fail if you envision failure. It is hard, but start picturing what it will be like when you enter the transition area after successfully completing the bike course. How will you feel? What will it look like? Picture it.
ReplyDeleteThen think about how great it will be to cross that Ironman finish line and get your medal.
Everyday - at least once a day - try to picture your success. You ARE a positive person and you have to dig deep and counter those negative feelings. And if you can't, call me. We'll work on it together.
Hugs, Rohini!