'Manifesto'

Sunday's ride was a long one...115 miles. The ride was nowhere near as hard as the 101 miler the week before (Culpeper) but just the sheer distance is overwhelming. We did two loops. 65 miles and 50 miles. The 65 miler was tough but I finished in a tad under 5 hours. There were NOOOO bathrooms the entire way and I think I had to pee for like 55 miles of the entire ride. As soon as I took a pit stop at a gas station towards the end, the 50 miler didn't seem too bad. The second loop was much easier than the first. I think I did the first 25 miles in an one hour and 50 minutes which was AWESOME. I was flying (well felt like I was). The last half was not so great. The heat and wind were getting to me but I pushed through and finished.

At about mile 76, I started crying....what a shocker I know...but this time it was different.

By mile 76, I had been in my own head for almost 6 hours. Once I had gotten through the 'to do' list, 'goals' list, 'crap I forgot to _____' list, I got to, 'thoughts on the last year'. This weekend was the culmination of a year of training so it was actually a good time for that last list to pop up.

First on the list..."Why I signed up for Ironman"
I thought about the dark place I was in when I signed up for Ironman. I had gained a lot of weight, my ex had just broken up with me, I felt like my dreams for my career were going nowhere, I hated DC, I did not like my job, and physically, I just felt like I wasn't capable of doing anything. Above it all, I missed my family terribly and hated being so far away. I think I hated everything at that point. It was horrible.

Second on the list..."How I feel now"

I can't say it was all solved because of Ironman, but I thought about all I've accomplished. I was at mile 76 of a ride and I wasn't in pain...I wasn't exhausted. It feels so good to feel alive and one with my body (as cheesy as that may sound). Being active has always been meditative for me and I finally had that feeling again. It was amazing. I was crying and smiling as I kept pedaling forward. I've lost almost 15 lbs, I have a renewed sense of optimism with my career (and future goals), and while I still miss my family, I know one day I'll be able to be close to them again. And DC, well I've started to love it again especially since I know so many amazing people in the area.

Third on the list..."The amazing person I've met"

That's right! During the last year, I met someone I am absolutely in love with. Beautiful. Kind. Forgiving. A good friend. Intelligent. A work in progress...but hey who isn't? That person is...me.

I think that's why I was really crying. Because I've finally accepted myself for who I am and can finally see what my friends and family see. I believe in myself as much as they do....And I could not have gotten to this point without them. So thank you. Thank you for saying 'I belive in you', 'I'm proud of you', and of course, my motto for the year, 'HTFU!'.

Thank you for being such wonderful people and being part of my entire Ironman experience.

I don't know if I'll make the time cutoff. It's not really something I can worry about on race day bc I have no control over it. However, I can leave it all on the course and do whatever I need to do to make the cutoff. I will have no regrets either way.

Okay enough. Stop making me cry! :-)

Next up. I should probably sign up for Luray Sprint on Sunday..... :-)

Rohini